The Lost Parchment on the Law of the Burnt Offering to the Great Festivarian

Found this in an old email :lol, not sure who wrote it:

The Lost Parchment on the Law of the Burnt Offering to the Great Festivarian
In the beginning, the Great Festivarian created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void, and silence was upon the land.
And the spirit of the Great Festivarian moved upon the face of the barren land. And the Great Festivarian said “Let there be music”, and the music was good. And the Great Festivarian divided the music from the other noise that cometh from all manner of boom box and Walkman™. And the Great Festivarian called this music “bluegrass” and the gathering together of the believers “festival.” And it was so.
And then the Great Festivarian created the guitar, banjo, mandolin, Dobro™, fiddle, and finally, the bass. And the Great Festivarian saw that it was good. And he said, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the fields and campsites and tabernacles with music.”
Thus the bluegrass festival was complete, and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. And the Great Festivarian ended his work and went back to his cubicle in the unholy city.
Then, after the season of the snow, the believers gathered in the field and knelt before the tabernacle and beseeched the Great Festivarian. “Fill our ears with all things bluegrass!” And the Great Festivarian made it so. Then the Great Festivarian beseeched the believers at the tabernacle:
“During the Festival, thy souls shall not be touched by anything unclean or rock & roll for that is an abomination to the Great Festivarian.”
“And ye shall hear no manner of rap for that is an abomination, whether it be hip hop or gangsta. Abstain, lest ye shall be cut off from your people.”
“And at the tabernacle, these are they which ye shall hold in abomination among all things musical: any instrument whatsoever that goeth through electric amplification, any manner of horn, the bagpipe or any of its kind, and any vessel which has stretched upon it animal skin but lacks strings. Shun them, lest ye shall be unclean.”
“Ye shall not make thyselves abominable with disdain for those believers not playing to thine level nor for those not playing the banjo exactly like the prophet Earl.”
“Likewise, ye shall not make thyselves abominable by playing thine instrument not in tune or in false key lest ye shall become despised and cast out by your people.”
“And Bela and Sam and all after them shall anoint the tabernacle and all that is therein, and all shall be sanctified.”
“And ye shall make a burnt offering to the Great Festivarian of unblemished Lawrence Welk records to make atonement for listening to talk radio. And he who cannot bring a Lawrence Welk record, then shall offer a Barry Manilow record for atonement and he shall be made clean.”
“Do not partake of wine or strong drink before the 12th hour of the day lest ye lose all motor skills and mental capacity and play Foggy Mountain Breakdown two hundred times in a row during jubilee jamming.”
“Ye shall not forsake the slumbering faithful in the neighboring camp by playing Little Maggie like Ralph the elder at 3 AM.”
“If ye are of the Banjo tribe, ye shall not be in groups of more than three for this will cause confusion among the masses and a great exodus will ensue, and a plague of locusts shall descend on the fields.”
And it came to pass, and the believers at the jubilee followed the word of the Great Festivarian while all rejoiced at the tabernacle.

23rd Psalm for Bass Players

The Lord is my drummer, I shall not rush.
He maketh me to lay out in tasteful places
He leadeth me beside cool meter changes
He restoreth my “one”.

Yeah man, though I read through the trickiest
charts, I will fear no train wrecks.
For You are with it.
Your ride and Your snare, they comfort me.

You setteth up a solo for me
In the presence of mine guitarists.
You annointeth my lines with drive.
My groove overflows.

Surely good feel and swing will follow me
through all the tunes of each set.
And I will dwell in the pocket
the whole gig long.

Can we get some consensus here, folks (a “special” consensus, maybe)?

I love a hippie drum circle, in the right context. But a djembe at a bluegrass festival seems to drive the pickers away, not to mention the migraines.

Am I way off base here? Off “bass,” maybe?

the bagpipe or any of its kind

There is a contradiction here. How will we have the morning tarp run without the glorious bagpipes?

I’m not real fond of drum circles, but I don’t mind a drum set on stage if it’s not excessive. :flower

Good point. The bagpipes are entitled to a limited exception for tarp run.

But if you’re in the Town Park campground with a set of bagpipes, you’d better have found a way to fill the bag with water and use the pipes as a hookah. Hmmm, maybe I’ll check eBay for a set of used bagpipes. This could make for some interesting recycling…

I believe true faith has a compassion for all things, and that we can respect our differences without having to embrace them or shun them. There is a time and place for rap, reggae, hip hop and rock and roll. There is an element in every musical style that can ring to the true inner soul of the dancer with the open mind. I shall not shun others, but hope that they respect the gathering of the bluegrass love of all things acoustically stringed.

That said, time and place, festivarian gathering, orb of holy spirit that surrounds the picking love, the djembe’s and electronics can be set aside for a short time as their people open their hearts to the soul of all things acoustically stringed. They just might find a rant or rhythm that inspires their sound when they return from their exploration.

In other words, I’m with ya as long as we don’t stand judgment on others. That really bothers me about religious misinterpretation. And the bagpipes, well they are just the exception to the rule that early in the morning. My Scottish soul digs it.

Thanks, Court, for showin’ me the light :sunshine

Right back at ya my delightful man friend. :flower