Was wondering if I could pick your brain for a moment? I am King Chief Festivarian of a tribe of East coast fun loving music enthusiasts. I made the mistake last year at a Festival of wearing my crown and sceptre as I traveled from my campsite to a friend’s campsite where Royal Pickers were set to perform. In this short journey I was bombarded with questions and requests: “Why do we run out of hot water whenever I take a shower?” “How come they won’t deliver ice to my campsite?” “Why are the Royal taxes so high on late night shows?” “Why was my cousin Ralph beheaded last week?”
I try to be a good King Chief but all these questions bum me out. I’m there to have a good time too, you know? And I’m a very hands-on King, if someone needs help erecting a tent or verifying their ales are stored at a proper temperature, I’m your man. But complaining to your Monarch that you forgot your rainboots? I’m your King, not your Mother!
Anyway, was wondering how you dealt with these issues? Does the Mayor’s guards exile them to the mud dungeon around the showers? Or do you have other ways of dealing with FestiWaaaaaahs?
Thank you for your consideration. So looking forward to traveling to your realm this summer solstice.
King Chief Jim
You know, this is Telluride, we are not a monarchist society out here, and thus have fewer, “festiwaahs”, because this is Telluride,
OK, we do have a king, and in his case he is a genuine blue blood, who has minions that deal with festiwahs, should they occur, but they don’t, because,
Our ports-lets are all pretty blue and smell like wild flowers, because this is telluride,
And I kinda think that the mayor got his handle, by focusing on things like line etiquette at the beer tent, (buy the guy behind you a beer!),
But I should leave it to the mayor to speak in his stead.
As the Benevolent Dictator and Technical Director of Kamp Duk Tape I move for admission of the term “FestiWaaaahs” to the Comprehensive Festivarian Dictionary; such entry to be credited to PigWarden for all eternity throughout the universe.
The best way for me to describe how I rule Town Park without being overly winded is for your to read the article in the 2006 Telluride Bluegrass Festival Program about me.
As the official Bartender of Camp Run-A-Muck, I’d like to invite you over for a proper bar inspection and a drink too if we pass whatever outdoor festival camping bar health codes that may exist. I assume you have the regulations.
Thanks for the link Tom, that was a great read. If I ever met Emmy Lou I would probably just drool and babble - that woman melts my butter. So your ruling (overseeing) style is Kindness & Cooperation & Fun? Sounds like a great strategy for a music festival and not a bad plan for this big blue marble.
But surely in all these years there has had to be at least one attendee (not Festivarian!) that you’ve had beheaded, right? Just one?
gregsfrontporch I look forward to ‘ports-lets are all pretty blue and smell like wild flowers’ because we do not have any of these miraculous inventions in the Eastern realm.
Thank You for the high honor Bevin. You have not heard this term before because even in this empire it is a rare occurrence indeed. Usually uttered by a first timer who needs a spiritual re-alignment or when it’s really, really muddy.
Hooch - if your late night emergency in the tent gatorade pee bottles are properly labeled with a “Mr. Yuck” sticker, and are not allowed to intermingle with the other mixers, your outdoor festival camping bar will pass with flying colors. I look forward to visiting the Feifdoms of Kamp DukTape and Camp Run-A-Muck, long may they rule!
Hooch - if your late night emergency in the tent gatorade pee bottles are properly labeled with a "Mr. Yuck" sticker, and are not allowed to intermingle with the other mixers, your outdoor festival camping bar will pass with flying colors. I look forward to visiting the Feifdoms of Kamp DukTape and Camp Run-A-Muck, long may they rule!
Folks, I’m sad to announce that the Run-A-Muck bar is officially closed forever due to the oppressive rules of Mr. PigWarden.
Hooch - Wait, Wait. No rules are written in stone. And greasing the palm of the King Chief of the Eastern Territories always goes a long way. I apologize for being so heavy handed and beg the forgiveness of Camp Run-A-Muck. I might personally stick to shots or beers though, you understand.
Never like to be the messenger of bad news, but if I remember from previous posts, Pigwarden is camping at the high school and therefore I believe his eastern hierarchy won’t be able to inspect Hooch’s bar at run-a-muck in town park so bar is open 24/7
petefrane your are correct, we are camping at the high school. We had hoped when it was just 2 of us to find Town Park tickets but now our group is 7 (which is a very, very good thing with old friends) so we doubt that will happen.
But if your kingdom is open on Wednesday I hope to come and visit and put some faces and memories to these hilarious forum posts.
Run a Muck’s bar opens Saturday before the festival. So you’ll have no trouble finding yourself a shot or several. As one of Hooch’s back up bartenders for those rare occasions he is missing and no attractive ladies are present, I would be honored to pour you a frog. Though, as I don’t know the ingredients, it is possible you might ingest some Mr Yuck.
No beheading under my rule. They’re just forced to sit on a kiddie stool in the corner for 8 hours while the other festivarians shame them as they walk by. They are then forbidden any and all adult beverage for 24 hours.
I think that’s pretty harsh punishment after all. :evil
Oh, and the article was wrong. I don’t camp with Run-a-muck, they camp next to Town Hall. :cheers